Monty Python and I Don’t Like Spam!

 

Do old, white Christian women get recruited for ISIS? I think I might have just received an invitation via comments on this blog to join them, but I am not sure. I know I was offered a Russian mail order bride and a lifetime supply of Viagra without a prescription.

I had not visited this blog site for quite some time. My excuse is that I have been busy (no, I have been busy, really). Anyway, I got the e-mail saying that I would soon have to pony up to keep this website, and so I thought I would look again to see if it was worth it. Hopefully, I dreamed that someone out there had read it and wanted to put an advertisement on it so I could pay for the domain and user name. Excitement was difficult to contain when I opened it to see that I had around 720 comments or pieces of feedback. I had received a few before that were spam, but they seemed fairly pertinent: you know someone had seen my site and was offering to spruce it up and get more traffic to it, for a fee, of course.

Those first couple were kind of exciting until I noticed that they said something like, “Your sight is very helpful to me. But it could use more viewers.” Hhhhhmmm…not that I don’t think I am “helpful”, but I started to see that those offering services had not actually read anything. They were just sending out advertisements, lots of them. The excitement vanished, and I had to accept that the three people reading what I wrote did not wish to purchase anything.

In spite of that, I was still optimistic as I opened my messages. No, there was nothing there that offered me anything of monetary value. But I have to say I learned so many interesting things about myself today:

  • I cannot read Cyrillic script (and I fear the translation)
  • I do not wish to meet a 19 year old virgin, even if she is described as “very nice”. Moreover, if one came into my office, and I told her not to have sex until she is married and not to get pregnant, then I can almost guarantee with my track record that she would go right out and do all of that. (That is how incredibly effective I am as a counselor!) So I would say she should definitely stay where she is!
  • As stated earlier, I do not need a bride, no matter the nationality. I would like a housekeeper, but I do not wish to bring her from another country and get through all that awkwardness of teaching her English.
  • I do not actually know what a “Shemale from social media” is, nor do I want to find one or more, but by all indications, they must be very popular.
  • I do not want to check out a website that has Russian Lean Cuisine recipes for every day, and what in the world is that code for? It was offered several times in several different ways.
  • Sadly in a testimonial to the current human condition of depravity, hundreds of messages offer porn or gay porn, and quite frankly, just the word “porn” makes me nauseous. I don’t even want someone typing that near my domain.
  • After a few months of this, I might be able to translate chatter for Homeland Security. This is an actual message I received, “Whenever I visit the Mug up is quickly be Cells can be trigger Now where Yosmite get help from top.” I have occasionally had to use Google Translate for something in Spanish, but even that was close enough to be decipherable. I am channeling my inner Bletchley Circle to break this bizarre code, but it is not happening yet. I will keep you posted.
  • The best message I got was “I enjoyed your website. Buy Cialis today. Confidential.” Someone enjoyed my website!

Do you remember when Spam was the gelatinous ham product that stunk up the kitchen when you fried it? #spam #funny #blog #learnsomethingnew